The wars in recent history are often credited with doing more than their fair share of contributing to our nations economic downturn. Robotic contractors can take a large hunk of this blame.We have robots to disarm bombs, see far , kill motherfuckers, detect and collect shit, and much much more. Corporations peddling this robot smut introduce these 60 lbs wonders of the technological world with affirmations that they will save lives. All this for the low low cost of just belevendy buzillion. This is nothing compared to the price of our infantrymen who now stand ready and eager to receive the new marvels of the future. Of course the infantryman will have to now put down his weapon and exchange it for a bandoleer of batteries, replacement parts, and TM's, but who needs weapons in the combat zone when we have these nifty cyborg allies? Surely our current enemies will retreat at the very sight of nuts, bolts, and wires, all powered by lies and bullshit. Load up the Privates with technology they will have to master and cross-train other soldiers in, at the cost of field craft. We don't need field craft, that is what the robots are for. Besides, this new Biometric Collection Robot should be just the ticket to win this war. At the sound of a PKM opening up, the Private should be able to use the Matrix to get out of the kill zone and deploy his biometric collection robot toward the enemy. With any hope, the robot will use its programing to employ the stealth menu, and select the" follow the shadows " option to power it toward the insurgent forces now attacking the Private. Approaching the insurgent forces, as only robots now have the skill to do, the robot will now ask for permission to take a DNA swab from our Frienemy using an automated message in the wrong fucking dialect. Forcibly inserting the probe into the mouth of our future friend, we will now have a sample to compile with the rest of the samples for the master database. We don't want to kill the frenemy, we just want his bodily fluids for science. This DNA database will help us now that we are leaving; better late than never. With the samples and photos taken, the soldier's robot will issue the insurgent a gender- neutral- happy- face sticker that is also a legally binding contract of friendship. Using rockets that are powered by heavy batteries and tears, the DNA cyborg is now free to follow a homing beacon to the FOB. Mission complete motherfucker.
Lets not waste our time worrying about the robot mule of a Private who has now collapsed to the ground due to heat exhaustion. His heavy body armor will protect him in the 120 degree heat and drink those bullets up like he should have drank water. Why as soon as he comes to, he should be able to spit the sand and goat shit out of his mouth and give the water-bot a voice command to moisten his palate. Upon return to the FOB the Private can now enjoy his final relaxing moments before bedtime happily filling out 97 surveys that will have to be re-done in the morning due to the fact he used a pencil and not black ink. Hurry the fuck up Private, the men who make millions from this contract are waiting on you so they can make a new and improved version for your next tour.-bigGuy
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