War Dodgers

war.dod.ger

noun

1. A soldier who avoids combat duty by creating personal problems, going AWOL, etc.

Synonyms

1. coward, pussy, bitch, 

The war dodger, not to be confused with draft dodger, is a soldier who voluntarily joins a combat arms MOS but avoids going to combat. These elusive creatures lurk mostly in the ranks of Infantry units across the Army, collecting paychecks, telling other peoples' war stories, and making excuses. The war dodger seems to always have diarrhea of the mouth, a condition where meaningless bullshit constantly dribbles from it's oral cavity, making it easy to spot. However, war dodgers can be deceptive. Some take the form of motivated soldiers, with high pt scores and even past deployments. This disguise can work for months, even years, until deployment orders come down. Once talk of deployments start, the war dodger becomes frightened and confused. At this point the war dodgers disguise starts to breakdown. He can no longer hold up the act of being a soldier and seeks refuge at the local aid station and mental health clinics, panicking and taking desperate measures to acquire profiles. Deployment orders are the war dodgers kryptonite. Upon receiving deployment orders, the war dodger's testosterone levels immediately drop, his dick and balls suck up into his stomach taking the form of a vagina. The war dodger then begins lactating, and breasts start to form. After random outbursts of crying, false suicide attempts and made up family problems, the war dodger earns his profile and fades into the ranks of other cowards on rear detachment, only to be seen again upon re-deployment, where he will once again try to fit in and infiltrate the ranks of real soldiers.

What to Do if You Spot a War Dodger:

1. Immediately point, laugh or make a scene, alerting others you have spotted a war dodger.

2. Separate your soldiers from the war dodger.

3. If possible, photograph the war dodger.

4. Attempt to destroy the will to live by posting pictures, humiliating and demoralizing the war dodger.

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